Federal witness protection program: The future home of George W. Bush?

My friend Leona told me that she thought she saw Jimmy Hoffa in Michigan recently. "Maybe he's still alive." It could happen. Maybe the feds put him in a witness protection program.

I bet that's what's going to finally happen to George W. Bush. We will get a tastefully sorrowful announcement on CNN that America's 42nd President [sic] has quietly passed away in his sleep. Then this sad event will be followed by a fancy state funeral. And then they will quietly whisk our George off to play gin rummy with Osama bin Ladin in Dubai.

You think I'm joking? I'm not.

I bet you anything that when the special prosecutors start fitting GWB for an orange jump suit, he's gonna wimp out, pull out some wax dummy look-alike to get buried in Arlington and then join a witness protection program overseen by Alberto Gonzales.

George, I understand. When Americans finally wake up and discover the millions of ways that you have screwed them, playing drop-the-soap with Jeff Skilling and Kenny-Boy Lay is going to be one of the milder options available to you. What are some others? Death row comes to mind. Or being run out of town on a rail. Tar and feathering? Hey, I'm non-violent. And I would HATE to see you get lynched.

I just have one favor to ask, Mr. Gonzales. PLEASE don't put Bush in a witness protection program in California! Send him to Texas.

PS: I support Phil Angelides in the California Democratic primary race for governor. His name is easy to remember when you go to the polls on June 6. The first syllable of his name is "Angel". And he is.